The Daily Beast has sent me to Italy to cover the Trump vs. Pope fracas, so today I report from the shores of Lake Como, where the talk of the town is all about Il Papa staring down Il Douche. OK, while it’s true that I’m writing today from the shores of Lake Como, the Daily Beast did not send me here. They’ve never sent me anywhere fabulous—or, now that I think of it, anywhere at all. Which is an indictment of the whole rotten system!
Furthermore, it’s just as well I’m not here on assignment because I do not speak the language, have no contacts, and plan on spending most of my month here eating gelato. That being said, it’s impossible to get away from American nonsense. The two times I’ve happened to see televisions since I got here a couple days ago, both were displaying chyrons which featured the words “Trump” and “Pope,” and it’s pretty obvious on which side Italians fall. (Hint: it’s not with the guy who can dislodge his jaw to swallow a Big Mac.)
Even the nation’s largely unpopular prime minister, Giorgia Meloni, has taken the occasion to speak up on behalf of Pope Leo, calling Trump’s attacks “unacceptable.” Trump responded with the classic statesman’s “I’m rubber you’re glue” gambit, by calling Meloni herself unacceptable and then taking it a step further, saying she “lacks courage.” Polling since her remarks has shown a 2-3% bump in her approval ratings after she chastised her erstwhile ally, Trump.
Apparently, Meloni risked little by doing so. The New York Times reports that Trump’s approval rating here in Italy sits at a paltry 19%. Pope Leo’s? 70%. Even with my decrepit American public-school math skills, I can confidently report that 70 is a much bigger number than 19. The Italians HATE Trump.
For his part, Leo has said he has “no fear” of Trump. Why would he? He’s got the world’s oldest standing army, the Swiss Guard, at his disposal. Don’t let that campy Renaissance Faire garb fool you—those guys have God on their side. And no, they’re not neutral. In any conflict, all they have to do is utter those four magic words, “Activate the DaVinci Code!” and it’s game over.
The moment is absurd, even by Trumpian standards. “Not even Hitler or Mussolini attacked the Pope so directly and publicly,” said Italian historian and theologian Massimo Faggioli in an interview with Reuters. And all because Leo took issue with Trump’s threat to erase Iran’s civilization.
Well, maybe that wasn’t all. There was also Leo’s refusal to visit the United States during our 250th anniversary celebrations at the behest of notorious papal assassin JD Vance. That, too, came after a Pentagon stooge reportedly threatened a Vatican official during a meeting earlier this year. I know, I know, who would turn down an opportunity to watch a cage fight on the White House lawn? Well, this guy would: Instead, Leo plans to spend July 4 with asylum-seekers on the Italian island of Lampedusa, in what could be viewed as either a natural environment to minister to the needy or a slap in the face to a president about whom the question “Is he the antichrist?” is being asked in earnest.
The consensus seems to be that Trump isn’t smart enough to be the antichrist.
This is not a fight Trump can win. Already, American Catholic support for the president is crumbling, dropping twelve points since the election. And I’m just spitballing here, but I’m guessing Trump posting AI slop of himself as Dr. Jesus Christ isn’t going to help things?
Still, this latest brouhaha offers some insight into the glob of Swiss cheese (not to be confused with the Swiss Guard) currently serving as Trump’s brain. The vaunted political instincts which somehow lifted him from failing real estate developer to failing ballroom designer have deserted him. The crassness is getting crasser. The stream-of-conscious meanderings have now unraveled into a clump of broken verbal threads at the bottom of a dirty laundry hamper. He’s old, confused, and fighting with the Pope. Which makes no sense. As I wrote in last week’s column, Trump is almost dead; at this point, he can use all the friends tight with God that he can get.