WASHINGTON, DC – President Donald Trump recently took to his Truth Social media platform to warn Nigeria that it will be targeted with more airstrikes, unless “Prince Adewale Oluewesan returns the money”, which the president claims he sent as part of an agreement that the prince has not upheld.
Last night on his Truth Social platform, the president posted the following angry screed:
“Crooked Prince Adewale has taken the $10,000 I sent him to help him get back access to his bank account, and I am still waiting for the 350 million dollars he was supposed to send me as thanks. I am not some gullible patsy! If this lying criminal doesn’t return my generous donation, then Nigeria will face the full force of my US Air Force!!”
Trump concluded, “Thank you for your attention to this matter. President Donald J Trump. PIN number 1946. Social Security number 519-53-8064.”
President Trump attempted to follow up his accusation with another post showing the initial typo-riddled email from the Nigerian prince. However, Trump’s post was quickly deleted after it was found that his email reply contained US plans for invading Mexico.
While President Trump famously does not use email for fear that it is “too incriminating”, sources state that he makes special exception for emails from Nigerians, as he credits his 2016 election victory to acting on a particular email which promised to “make his dreams come true” if he forwarded it to 45 friends. To that end, Trump has purchased hundreds of dollars’ worth of Google Gift cards, had torrid conversations with over 1000 Russian sexbots, and always responds to any email that claims to be from the IRS in case it turns out to be another audit.
Addressing reporters, White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt admonished journalists for suggesting that the president’s sending funds to an anonymous online address raised worrying questions about his fitness for office.
“Mr. Trump is the greatest businessman in the history of America, and him transferring money to an email address containing multiple dollars signs is not evidence of ‘fraud against a senior citizen’,” Leavitt exclaimed. “The President simply assumed he was transacting a standard bribe, and any error was the fault of his crypto exchange. End of story.”
When questioned, representatives from Nigeria were curious as to why President Trump didn’t at least start with an empty threat of tariffs first.
At press time, President Trump has convened a full cabinet meeting to peruse a separate email from a different Nigerian prince claiming to need help reclaiming his throne, while asking one of his aides how much oil Nigeria has.